Tuesday, July 29, 2014


I look in the mirror.  Each line a reminder that my cellular regenrative process is becoming more lazy with each new pass.  This sets me apart from exactly nobody.  We are all victims of lazy cell regeneration.

Time hath made fools of us all.

I remember a fresher face.
A thinner face.
A younger face.
A face that knew less pain.
And more anger.

I told you once that I would never forget you.  I don't believe I have.  But I look at those lines in my face, and wonder...

I wonder if I haven't forgotten you entirely.
And created a new you.

I look at where I am now, and wonder if I haven't entirely recreated in my overactive imagination, the road that led me here.  A past that is more forgiving of all of my mistakes. I wonder if the history I remember is a prettier fiction.

Or maybe my life really has been that fucking fantastic.

No man can have been so lucky.
Sometimes I feel like Forest Gump, without all that Tom Hanks charm.

Oh sure.
I know the pain of losing loved ones.
I know the tragedy of a broken heart.
The wounds that never truly heal.

I know sorrow.
That anguish that runs so deep, you don't know how you'll live another minute.

I know a face soaked with tears.
I know the bravery inside the lie "I'm okay.".

I know the strength required to let go.

I know sickness.

I know death.

I've watched cancer eat the life out of someone very dear to me.
I've seen depression destroy another.

I am intimate with injustice, and intolerance, and loneliness.

I have looked in the mirror, and seen the reflection of broken, and battered, and beaten, devistated.
And always in those crooked eyes, a smile.

Because I know other things as well.

I know that I have been wrapped in the arms of beauty.
I have heard another human being say

I love you.

And they were talking to me.

Just some guy...
Who was loved once.

I have found my place...
My passion...
My expression...

And I get to do it.

I get to stand on a stage and mimic humanity.

I have tasted exotic flavors.
I have danced with grace.
I have heard your voice,
and it was the song of the Universe.

Every morning I wake up breathing,
and every part of me that hurts, reminds me that I have danced in the stars.
I have swam naked in the ocean.
I have stood on the peaks, and gazed eternity.

I have seen the big picture,
and the tiniest detail.

And a new line on my face is simply another line on the map of my life.
That has been the mask of tragedy and comedy.

and with it
all the catharsis.

Every tear shed,
Every drop of blood,
Every shard of this broken heart

Is simply the payment for every breath I get to take.

Every wonder I get to perceive.
Or be part of.

I have heard the glory of life,
and the most glorious part of all,

Is I got to share it with you.

Like it or not, you are part of my story.
I am who I am, because you are part of me.

How can one person thank another for that?

And the blisters on my feet, only tell me that you and I have danced...
And it was amazing.

And since I'm still breathing, that only means that...

I'm getting ready for the next dance.  The next pass.  The next time around.

I am made out of memory and anticipation.

And lines.