A quick thought inside a short hello.

I've been looking for something I've always wanted but was never mine, but now I've seen that something, just out of reach glowing very holy grail. - Roxy Music "Mother of Pearl"

Sometimes song lyrics nail it right on the head.

Everything is temporary.
Everything has a timeline.
Everything has an expiration date.

That goddamn expiration date.

Some much closer than others.

The end of a work week.  The end of a show.  The end of a season.  The end of a job, a home, a relationship, a friendship, a life.

I'm a journey, not a destination kind of guy.  I like the scenic route.  I like taking my time.  I like to explore.  I like the adventure.  I'm very rarely worried about getting to wherever it is I'm going.  Waiting is.  In time.  Blah blah blah.

I also love the game for the sake of the game.  I will often play, even though I know the outcome before I even sit at the table.  I don't care so much about the scorecard at the end, as much as I do that I actually sat face to face with the opponent.  Looked them in the eye.  Smiled and threw down.

I know there will be pain.  Goddamn do I know it.  The thing is

"Life is Pain Highness.  Anyone who says differently is selling something." - The Princess Bride

I wonder about that sometimes though.  The pain thing.  I wonder if accepting it, or saying I accept it, and continuing along what will inevitably be a course resulting in exactly that, is in fact wise.  What is the best action?  Sit at the table, play the game, accept my losses gracefully and walk away with the experience. Learn the lesson, and continue with a little more wisdom that comes at a difficult cost?  Or not?  Avoid the pain altogether.  Its not as if I'll learn anything in a general sense that I don't already know.  Specifics of course yes.  Little things that may or may not shape future me into something...for better or worse.  Maybe.  Maybe not.  That's the gamble.  I could step away from the table, and ultimately not have lost or gained anything.  Or I can sit at the table, knowing already that its going to hurt when its over, but I MIGHT...maybe gain something that does indeed shape future me...for better or worse.

Or not.

I made a decision over a decade ago.  I decided that I would never again make a decision based solely on fear.  There comes a question though.

Is NOT jumping off a cliff, fear based?  Or simply common sense.

I guess it depends on how far down it is to the water, and how deep the water is.  Or if there is water there at all.

I've jumped off a lot of cliffs.

I've also NOT jumped off a lot of cliffs.

Sometimes though, I do have a hard time distinguishing between fear and stupidity.  Maybe THAT is the lesson that life has to teach me.


That's it for tonight.  There's more.  Oh so very much more.  But not tonight.  Tonight I just wanted to check in.  Say hi.  Say I love you.

I really
Honestly
Love you

But I have better words for that too.