Around the bush

Facebook has been pissing me off lately.  Twitter too.  Tumblr.  All social media really.  Digital burnout perhaps.  I think we all go through this at some point.  We step back.  Slow down.  It used to be when I'd go through this, I'd make a big show of saying I was going to disappear from whatever site.  I'd leave.  I'd brush it off for a week, or two.  Then when the shitstorm in my mind had calmed a bit, I'd come back.

I don't do that anymore.  I don't make a production of leaving.  I'm not doing that now either.  I'm not going anywhere.  I'll take it all at my own pace.  Like we all do.  Like we all should.  I'm not making any judgements.  I'm not qualifying in any way all the things wrong, or right with social media.  In the end, it simply is what it is.

Also, it's really nobody specific.  In fact...it's nobody.  No person, or friend, or friend of a friend, or any person has set me off.  It's hard to explain.  Difficult to put my finger on...but I'll try.

Did you know you have opinions?  I bet you did.  I bet you're pretty aware of your opinions.  You know how you feel about most things.  And that's good.  It's nice.  Did you also know that it's very likely that other people have opinions that are in fact, in direct opposition of your own?  It's true.  They do.  People think differently than other people.  This fact all by itself makes niether you, nor the other person a moron, or an idiot, or a racist, or a bigot, or a fool.  Just someone who thinks differently from someone else.

It's also become nearly painfully apparent that no matter what your opinion is...absolutely no matter what.  No matter how bizarre, how mainstream, how on course or off...there is some article somewhere written by someone that contains quotes by other people who did studies at some University, conducted by people with W.A.S.P.y sounding names, that will one hundred percent validate your opinion.  That article exists, and it will be shared.

It's also true that no matter what your opinion, the exact same article exists that contradicts it.  It was written by different people, quoting other people, and studies conducted at some University by people with W.A.S.P.y sounding names.

There is always always always something out there that will validate the way you feel about something.  And there is the same something out there that validates the opinion held by someone else that is the exact contradiction of what you think.

Want to vaccinate you kids?  Neat...here are 3 articles, 5 studies, and 17 blogs on why you should.
Don't want to vaccinate your kids?  Cool...here are 4 articles, 9 studies and 32 blogs on why you shouldn't.
Public school?
Home school?
Climate change?
Not?
Guns?
Fuck guns?

And it doesn't matter.  The topic.  It doesn't matter at all.  However you feel, I'm sure you can tell me why I'm wrong for not feeling the same way.  I've no doubt you can forward me the link to any one of a thousand sites that will absolutely validate that feeling.

Neat.

My favorite are the articles I find on Facebook, telling my why I should get off Facebook.

I honest to god read two articles, just this evening, one directly after the other.  The first being about how we are all by nature of our human creativity...beautiful.  The next article was, I shit you not, how we are NOT all beautiful, and we need to stop using that word.
I read one article discussing all the problems of slut shaming.
The exact same "news" site, the very next link was a worst dressed of the week list describing in detail how whorish these outfits made these celebrities look.

Every single day.  Every. Single. Day.  Another republican says something stupid.  Every futhermucking day.  And every day I get to read what they said.  Then I get to read an article about what they said.  Then I get to read a meme about what they said.  Then I get to read what Bill Maher, or John Stewart said about what they said.  Then I get to read the Huff Post article about not only this stupid thing they said today, but the stupid thing they said six years ago that contradicts the stupid thing they said today, and how this must be the stupidest person to ever say a stupid thing in front of his stupid constituency.

I get it.  Republicans say stupid things.

I belong to a couple of Atheist groups.  At least they call themselves Atheist groups...but really they're just we used to be Mormon, but now we really fucking hate the Mormon church groups.  There is rarely a discussion of honest thought about how to better pursue a life without god or religion.  There is a TON of discussion on all of the things the Mormon church does, that they now want to bitch about.

I'm doing everything wrong.
I'm cutting cake wrong.
I'm shitting wrong.
I'm breathing wrong.
I'm sitting at my desk wrong.
I sleep in the wrong position.
I eat the wrong food.
I drink the wrong water.
I'm standing wrong.
I'm going to the wrong movies.
I'm reading the wrong books.
I'm listening to the wrong music.
I'm using the wrong words when I talk to women.
I'm using the wrong words when I talk to men.
I'm using the wrong words when I talk to my boss.
I'm raising my children wrong.
I'm wearing the wrong colors.
I'm using the wrong sunscreen.
I'm using the wrong apps.
I'm keeping my phone in the wrong pocket.

But it's okay.
With these life hacks..
With just ten minutes a day...
With this method of decluttering...
With these 6 simple steps...
With this one new app...
With my signature on this petition...
4 easy exercises I can do at home...
7 ways to pick up anybody...
This is how you get out of the friendzone...

And nobody talks about themselves anymore.  They simply link an article that reflects the opinion they have about something.

And it all becomes so much.  So many words.  So much contradiction, and lies, and just...words words words.

And I realize that none of these articles are actually articles.  Even the news, is really just an advertisement.  Start off by telling my how much my life sucks, and how doing things your way will make my life suck less.  Everybody wants the same thing.  In exactly opposite ways, everybody wants conformity.  Everybody wants everybody to do things the way they thing things should be done...and here's how.  And if you disagree, you're a fucking moron and should just shut up.

And I bubble and boil.  Toil, trouble, all that witchy brew.
And it builds.
And it festers.
And each new stupid thing grows inside me.  A fetus of anger in the womb of frustration.
And I become pregnant with vitriol.
And I become impatient.  I want to scream.  I want to rage at all of craptastic that it has all become.
I feel it in me.  Burning from the bottom up.  I want to throw things, and break things.  I want to punch brick walls.  I want to yell into the void, and ache for silence.  I feel the desparate need to somehow get all of that out, else I'll explode.
And so here goes.
I will let it go now...the best way I know how.



I love you.
I don't care what article or opinion, no matter how well intentioned, tells me I shouldn't use the word beautiful.

You are.

Beautiful.

I love you.
I don't care how many articles have been written about how many things you my be doing wrong.

You're not.
doing it wrong.
You're not.

You're doing it exactly right.

I know sometimes you hurt.
I know there are nights of pain.
And lonliness.
And questions without answers.

I know sometimes you're angry.  You've been hurt.
I know sometimes you fuck up.

I know I fuck up.
I make bad decisions.
Sometimes on purpose.
I say stupid.
I do stupid.
I miss opportunities.
I choose...poorly.

I'm still doing it right.
Because I'm doing it me.
And fuck anyone who says otherwise.
I can only do it me.
And you can only do it you.
Correct, or incorrect.
Smart or not so smart.
Informed, or not...

You are doing it exactly right.
If you want to do it differently...then do it differently...

It's still right.
And you're still beautiful.
And I still love you.

All of the things about you.  The opinions you have that I share...and the opinions you have that I completely disagree with...

None of that matters.

I am simply me...
and you are simply you...
and you are simply the most perfect you.
And I love that about you...
because I love you.

Your existence, has added value to mine.
I can't possibly NOT love you.

And so I do.
And so I shall.