I wonder what color your eyes are.

I absolutely revel in my own superficiality.  I practically advertise it.  In nearly every public forum, I've taken great care to highlight, manifest, and to some degree even invent a caricature of myself.  Private messages, this blog, or one on one conversation are really the only places that I crack it open a bit, and let something a little more real out.

In public I just can't do that.  I have no interest in the real me being on display.

Oh I don't care about my body.

Or my face.

Or my most superficial thoughts, fantasies, jokes, or platitudes.

Anybody can have those.

I'm talking about the real shit.

The stuff I truly care about.

The stuff that has meaning to me.

I'm an actor for fucks sake. I'm never me when other people are looking.  This is intentional.  I don't wear a mask, I wear a full fucking costume of myself.  I do this with full knowledge and intent.  

Yes I'm hiding.

No I'm not afraid.

I think it's my greatest egotistical trick.  I'm not afraid of being judged...

I've already cast judgement.

This is not to say I can't, or won't open up.  I have.  I will.  I would love to if I haven't.

Just not publicly.

Facebook, twitter, G+,  any of it...all of it...

If it's public...it's only my facsimile.

My shadow.

My most shallow.

Here though.  Here is just a bit different.  Here I let some things slip through the cracks.  It's still not much...but it's a helluva lot more.

Since I'm curious...

Since I know that most, if not all of you reading this also have a FB account...

Since I understand that the first basic rule of psychology is projecting ourselves onto our counterparts...

I wonder how many of you are the same.

How much of you am I NOT getting, because we only ever communicate through a social media website.

Don't get me wrong...I'm glad that we do.  Some of you I wouldn't know at all if it wasn't for such places...but

but

but

I'm selfish.

I'm curious

I'm interested

I'm interested in you.

I want more of you.

I want to glance for just a moment behind your mask.

I want to look under your costume.

I want to know all the things that you're hiding...

...just like I am.

I think we really need to sit down and chat someday.

Face to face.

Look each other in the eyes.

Touch hands.

Hear the sound of each others voice.

Hear words....instead of read them.

Hear laughter...instead of read LOL.

Come to a realization together...at the same time...without waiting for a response or reply.

Please don't think that I'm jumping on the bandwagon of disparaging social media...I absolutely LOVE the digital world.  I truly do.

But it does offer easy escape.

It is it's own false virtue.

We far too easily allow digital contact to replace human contact.

I'm a little bit curious to know what honesty feels like again.

Who knows...I may hate it.

But probably not.