My only response...

There is so much hate lately.   I don't deal with that very well.  I used to.  I used to thrive on it.  I've mellowed out in my past few years.

A couple months ago a friend of mine commented that he missed my fire.  It's true.  I used to be much more fiery than I am now.  I burned with a different kind of passion.  I was for lack of a better word, a complete asshole.  My wit was quick, and my tongue was quicker.

I'd be the first to jump into any debate, with biting sarcasm, and no shortage of vitriol, lightly infused with pointed humor.  I was a young prick with an opinion...on everything.

I no longer take joy in any of that.  The fight is still for the young pricks with opinions I think.  Oh its, all still in me.  I still have the thoughts, I simply choose not to vocalize them much anymore.  I find it doesn't really contribute much to the desired outcome...which for me is a few laughs and good conversation.

So now instead of jumping into the fray, I typically withdraw.  I move away.  I just spent so very many years involved in, and a lot of times contributing to the negativity.  I'm tired.  I no longer have the desire for the fight.  Now I want to be involved in things more personally meaningful.

Events of the last week have instead of inspiring us to love more...have inspired us to fight more.  We are aflame with dissent.  We all have our opinions now, and for the love of god we must shout them from every rooftop and corner.  There is a whole lot of talking at, and pretty much no talking to.  Everybody has a solution.  Everybody has an answer...but the problem is...to all the wrong questions.

So without the fire, or the vitriol, or the acerbic humor...here's my opinion.

And yes...its simply that.  My opinion.  I'm not making an attempt to come to a solution.  I'm not offering answers.  I'm simply stating my feelings.  If you agree...cool.  If you disagree...cool.  I hope we can still be friends.  I say that only because I've recently seen so many friendships dissolve over nothing more than differing opinions.  So without further preamble, amble or ramble...here goes.

I live in a world, where at any given moment, in any given place, in any imagined scenario, time, or location, a person can walk up behind me and shoot me in the head.  There is no gun law that currently exists, has ever existed, or will ever exist that will make this less true.

Please don't immediately assume the above statement is a reflection on how I personally feel about gun laws. It is not.  I'm actually not ever in this blog going to address my stance on that.

I'm simply stating a particular truism.  The laws in and of themselves don't make a difference.  Just as speed limits, drug, prostitution, or ANY law, ultimately makes ANY difference, to the person who is already going to break that law.  However, I'm going off point.

I also live in a world where I can be stabbed, drugged, beaten, taken, hell...even eaten.  I can be hit by a bus, I'm often ALMOST hit by cars.  Being a pedestrian in Salt Lake City is no game for the fearful.

I live in a world, where being shot is on a daily basis, no matter where I am, a very real possibility.
I live in a world of violence.
If I had lived 1000 years ago,
I would still have lived in a world of violence.
I have a feeling that unless our emotional and intellectual evolution takes a very serious turn, that its safe to say that if I were to live 500 years from now, I would live in a world of violence.  We all like to think that perhaps it will be different, but there is absolutely no historical evidence in 10000 years of human history to suggest that it will be.

For all of our claims of progress and civilization, we are pretty much still separated into tribes swinging sticks at each other.  We just have bigger words, more powerful weapons, and the ability to write shit down.

We are taught to fear.  We are taught this through media.  Film.  Television.  Politicians.  News reports.  And most unfortunately...through experience.  We learn that we, and even more frightening, our children, are vulnerable.  This makes us afraid.  This makes us angry.  This makes us jerk our knees, and ultimately make the worst decisions possible.

For example...The U.S.S. Patriot Act.  The TSA.  Homeland Security.  Guantanimo.  Wars.  Police States.  More and more and more government control and interference.

Again you may think I have revealed my personal feelings regarding gun control laws.  I assure you, I have not.  Nor will I.  That is not what this is about, and I actually have no interest in starting that conversation.

I've stated before...but I might as well again, I made a very personal decision many years ago that I would personally no longer make any fear based decision.  I may in the case of random bear attack make a fear based action...but I will never in a moment of contemplation, let fear motivate my decisions.

There is no law that cannot be broken.
There is no amount of government provided security, that actually makes us more secure.
There is no amount of regulated safety, that actually makes us safe.
The appearance of safety and security, are not actual safety and security.

If somebody wants me dead badly enough, and they are lucky enough, I will be dead.
Every single moment I am alive, There exists within a range of probability the fact that the next moment I will not be.

I have accepted this as a simple truism of my existence, and I live very comfortably with that knowledge.

I do not, nor do I pretend to have any answer on a large social scale.  I do however have an answer that works for me on a very personal one.

Instead of fear, and fear based decisions...

...I choose love.

Every damn time.

I choose fun.
I choose laughter.
I choose to share joy, and sorrow, triumph, and tragedy with those I am lucky enough to share those things with.
I will hug.
I will sing.
I will joke.
I will cry.
I will be hurt.
I will ease hurt where I can.
I will talk.
I will listen.
I will laugh.
Oh god I will laugh.

And I will love.

Every damn time.

I cannot change the world. I'm pretty sure you won't either.  But I can change MY world.  I can create my world every morning.

This is not delusion.
This is my life without fear.