SOC

In an effort to get back into the habit of writing, I'm writing.  No one ever said it would be good.

I used to do this daily.  Then weekly.  Then wheneverly.  Then neverly.  Now back to it.  The bad part is though, I've lost my ability to think.

Its that thing where I can't tell if I want to start caring or stop caring.  I'm stuck in the middle with me.

So tonight...just a free flow stream of consciousness. Things that have been on my mind in one small way or another.

YOLO.  I hate the word.  I hate the new catchacronym that is supposed to justify all sorts of douchebaggery.  While it is true that you only live once...you don't live alone.  We are sharing this rock with nearly seven billion other people.  Why should your YOLO take precedent over any other?  That's all I have to say about that.

Did you know that you are mortal?  I'm sure you do...but do you?  Really?  There is so much more to YOLO than some stupid little two syllable justification for brief stupidity.    There is something so profoundly important that mere words...any words...all words...no words can capture the essence of...fuck, I'm losing me again.

Take two:

Everything is temporary.  And by everything I mean EVERYTHING.  I mean every fucking beautiful goddamn thing.  Not just you, and your pictures, and your bank account.  Not just this life, or your families life.  Not just this planet, or this galaxy...the whole goddamn universe is temporary.

In a relative sense of course.

I'm still not getting there...but its leaking.  Slowly.

The greatest force in the Universe is gravity.  This is fact.  In time (and I find this ironic because when it happens time will cease to exist) gravity will eat itself up.  The Universe will collapse and no longer be.  This is going to happen.  It is.  Probably in a billion billion billion years.  Long after this solar system has already been consumed by its own little insignificant supernova, but it is going to happen.  Then the REALLY neat thing is it will explode again, and start all over.  Who knows...maybe this has already happened thousands of times.  Maybe.

Did you know that there is exactly the same amount of energy in the Universe right this second as there was at the moment of The Big Bang?  Its true.  Energy cannot be created or destroyed.  Only changed, or expanded, and when the Universe DOES collapse...whenever that may be...all that energy will still be there.  It will just be in the nowhere that is somewhere that isn't anywhere...and will have no choice but to escape again.  Creating the entire process anew.  I think that's fascinating.  Some people think that's bullshit.  However the people who think its bullshit have no problem believing in worldwide floods, talking snakes, and hippy zombies...so whatever.

The point is...what I've been taking the long way around to...is that everything is temporary.  Even the things that we take for granted as always having been, and always being in existence...aren't and won't be.  In the long run, we all move at the speed of who gives a fuck.

We're on this little blue green marble with no instruction manual.  So we make one up.  We make up many.  We make up meaning.  There isn't meaning, but we can't accept that.  We form groups, and clubs, and societies, and we cast out, or accept membership based on the most ridiculously arbitrary rules we can imagine.  We invent rules, and laws, and morality, and money, and some of it is necessary for the perpetuation of mass population, but most of it is insane.  And then we focus on the insane, and we say that's not quite insane enough...lets make it even crazier, and amid all of the attempts at creating order in the chaos, we forget that the original chaos was pretty goddamn beautiful all by itself.  So now instead of a system of shared existence, we have numbers, and pretense, and a moral judgement system that is based in no sense of actual morality.  The beauty, and the love, and the life have been replaced with a sense of importance placed on little green pieces of paper.

Neat.

And eventually...this too shall pass.

I think that's what's always on my mind.  Always.  Is that all these things that have been superficially made important, aren't that important to me.

I hate celebrity.
I've never been motivated by money.
Politicians all say the same things with different words.
Some things are true.
Some things are false.
Some things are true and false.

I am temporary.  I will cease to exist.  This is a fact.  I have an incredibly limited amount of time, and I want to care about the things that make sense to me.

I want to laugh with you.
I want to tell stories with you.
I want to watch the stars with you at night.
I want to be stripped with you of all pretense, and imagined reality, and discover our own.
I want to love you as people should love.

Because someday I will be nothing more than your memory.  You may someday be nothing more than mine. I want to smile when I have that memory.  I want you to smile when you do.  I don't want to be missed.  I want to be cherished.  And I want the same for you.  I mean after all.

YOLO.