At least throw in some pearing knives.

Sometimes I wish I could just force myself into my new skin, but the old skin is still just so comfortable.  Reliable.  It fit me well for a while, and I'm still not sure about the cut of this new thing.

Ah well...c'est la vie...or something like that.

I hate how so many things now are geared toward the idea that women are simple machines, that if you figure out the mechanism, you're all set.

Learn these 3 simple phrases, and she'll be yours.

Touch her in this unexpected place and she'll melt.

Treat her good.  Treat her bad.

Ever since I changed my status on FB to single, every ad on my sidebar is about finding women, and how easy they all are.  And all types and ages.

Milfs
College girls.
Sluts
Virgins
Good girls
Bad girls
Senior Citizens
School girls
Asian girls
Tattooed girls
Hipster chicks.

Oh yeah, and a shit ton of gay ads too...you know...just in case.

I never paid much attention to the sidebar ads before.  I went through a phase for a while where I made sure that all religious themed ads were removed.
FB tried...I mean REALLY tried to find out what I wanted.  They changed up their ads, and their attacks.  Different foods, video games, hiking adventures, vacation destinations.  They were determined to find my interests and appeal to them.

Now that I'm single I guess they figure my only interest is sex.  Or possibly dating...maybe, but mostly just sex.

My favorites though are the seduction technique ads.  These really...REALLY...appeal to my deepest appreciator of the absurd.  Apparently you girls have been figured out.  You've been reduced to your lowest common denominator.  You are all simply suckers for a couple phrases, a light touch, and boom...you are putty in any mans hands.  And for five easy payments of 19.95, any man can learn these and become master of your vagina.

Sometimes, I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

I will never join a dating site.  I will never give another person money to teach me tricks.  Essentially I guess what I'm saying is that if I'm going to spend money to get laid, I'll go to a prostitute and cut out the middle man entirely.

I will of course never be able to convince the Facebook ad matrix of this, and so I'm, I guess, going to have no choice but to learn to accept that this is who Facebook thinks I am now.  That's a little bit annoying.  I mean only a little bit.  Not because I give a red squirrel fuck what said matrix has narrowed me down to, but simply because its a near constant reminder that because I am the proud owner of a penis, with nowhere to consistently put it on a regular basis...this must obviously be the single thing in my life that is top priority.

Sometimes, I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

See if FB really knew me I would be seeing ads for new books.  Play Scripts.  Theatres and auditions in my area.  Yoga classes.  How to get the most out of my mushroom trip.  Where to get good clothes on the cheap.  Interesting facts about stupid bullshit.

Maybe I've grown up a little.
Maybe I've gotten a little more tired.
Maybe I see things differently than I used to, but I am oh so much more than my sex drive.

That's not to say its not there, but its certainly not what FB thinks it is.  I have less than zero interest in anything they have so far offered.  Whatever happened to quality.  Whatever happened to REAL seduction. Not tips.  Not 3 hidden phrases, or unknown places to touch her.

I'm talking about seduction not for the sake of sex.  Sex is the byproduct.  I'm talking about seduction for the sake of the game.  Whatever happened to the long game?  Whatever happened to Valmont?

Personally, I blame the microwave oven.

I think sixty years ago people were innately more patient.  Then came this magic box.  This device that taught us that it was not only okay, but actually preferable to sacrifice quality for immediacy.  It wasn't an immediate change.  It was gradual to be sure, but it was a change.  Not just in how we eat, but in how we think.  Perceive.  Expect and accept.  We didn't overnight become new people, but we did almost immediately understand that this was neat.  This was good.  This saved time.  This created less time here, to be spent there.  And now, we want that with more than just our food.

I think that's what happened.
I could be wrong.
Quite frankly I wasn't here sixty years ago.  All of my ideas of what the sixties were like are based on Old TV programs, older plays, and special tribute news broadcasts.

But I'm still going to blame the microwave oven.

I guess the thing...the way...the...I don't know...the idea in my head, is that I don't want to seduce everyone. I don't want to EVER think that all women are the same.  I don't want to know that there is a phrase or button that can be said or pushed, and its all done.  I don't want a microwave sex partner.

I want to know that whoever it may be that I'm pursuing on a sexual level, is not because I learned a trick, because I got her drunk, or because she looked good in a low cut shirt.

I want that feeling of pursuing someone sexually, because I don't have a choice.  I don't ever want sex for the sake of sex.  I want sex because there was an exchange.  Because there was something there that started small, and grew.  I want sex not because I want...but because I am wanted.  I don't ever want a LCD woman.  Nor do I want to place any woman on some mythical pedestal. I want, in all ways, not simply sexual...but in every way possible...to find equals.

To find people who challenge me.  To find people who interest me.  To find people who live and laugh and share things with me.

Really what I want is for Facebook to stop playing the pimp.  Stop prostituting an "idea" of women, and how easy they really are.  Just please FB...

Let me enjoy my friendships the way I want to.  Not the way you tell me it can be done...your way sucks.