And now for something completely the same.

In 2012 I walked my way through 5 pairs of shoes.  I put a lot of road on my soles.  People have a hard time believing me when I say I don't mind.  I don't mind.

At the beginning of 2012 I was in love and in a relationship.  At the beginning of 2013, I have a different love, that I can actually never have. I have put a lot of pain in my soul.  People have a hard time believing me when I say I don't mind.  I don't mind.

Between the beginning of 2007, and 2012 I had been in 4 productions total.  Easily the slowest period of my entire life.  Between 2012 and 2013 I was in 4 productions.  Not even close to the busiest period of my life...but damn it did feel good.  Now though...I'm getting that bug to start directing again.  I used to be very good at that.  I was always more confident in my skills as a director than I was as an actor.  I wonder if the six and a half years of NOT directing, have caused those skills to disappear.  It will be neat to find out.

I'm also feeling words lately.
Not so much blog words, though I'm pretty sure I'll never run out of those, different words.

Play script words.
Short story words.
Novel words.
Even...maybe...perhaps...screenplay words.  We'll see about that one.

All these words are scratching the inside of my skin.  Those words...like Fortunato sobering up behind a brick wall, and clawing and fighting to get out.  My brain and laziness that wall.

I have since the inception of the blog, had many.  Although this particular one has become my main one, the one that was most followed at one point was the bitchcake.  Good times.  I also had my "evil" blog where I let all my darker thoughts out.  It was the place where I got pretty snarky.  Kind of mean  Never held anything back.  TOTALLY honest...according to my own opinions.

Then there was the Myspace blog.  I re-read some of those recently.  I was kind of proud of some of the things I had written there.  Things that will in all likelihood never be seen by anyone else ever again.  I mean really...who goes to Myspace anymore.  Do you?  Didn't think so.

I also had a blog devoted solely to fiction.  Little tiny one paragraph stories.  Sometimes a bit more...but I intentionally tried to keep the shit concise.  It was an intentional exercise in word economy.  Something I've very much gotten away from here.  I really don't care though.  Here I like just letting it flow, and see where it goes.  This place for me is not an exercise, so much as it is stream of consciousness.  Sometimes I do have a bit more intent and direction.  Other times...like tonight...not so much.

I do think though, that I'm going to revisit the fiction blog.  I really need to prime that pump again.  Tell my little one paragraph to one page stories.  Who knows...maybe one of them will blossom into something much larger.

I also have ideas for a couple other blogs.  One specifically dedicated to my quit smoking experiment, when that begins.  One specifically for reviews of shows I see.  Starting with whatever the first show I see in 2013 is.  I haven't decided yet if I want to stick with just theatre, or opine on movies as well.

I think really though, what's happening, is my soul...or spirit...or essence...or energy...or all of those other words we use to communicate an idea of something inside us that is actually bigger than we are...is thirsty.  I am really feeling a need to create.  Not simply theatrically, or writing, or...I dunno...

I want to experiment with different mediums.  I can't draw or paint...but I want to draw and paint.  I don't have any type of great camera, but I want to take pictures.  I want to stare at an empty page, empty stage, empty canvas, empty anything...and fill it up.  With stuff.  And things.

Acting this past year has been nice, and I want to keep doing it.  I never want to stop, but what really happened this past year is I realized that in my drought of creativity between 2007 and 2012, I forgot that I was a creative person.  I need it.  Not to survive.  To live.  I really do need to direct a show again.  

I feel like I'm coming out of a cave, and into sunlight again.  I'm remembering what it was like to have that kind of energy inside of me all the time.  I don't ever want to lose that again.  EVER!!!

So I guess...since it's that time, and it's what we're talking about...that would be my resolution.  I don't really do the new year resolution thing...but if I did, that would be it.

Not to do more...but to never...ever...ever again.

Do less.