I curious.
If you could know precisely when and how you were going to die, would you want to?
What if knowing changed nothing? You could not in any way change the outcome of events. What if your future were as written as your past? Would you still want to know? What if you found out you were going to die tomorrow? What if you found out you were going to die a very long, slow painful bedridden death in sixty years? What if you found out you were going to be the first human to achieve actual immortality? Would you still want to know?
My dad's high school best friend knew the exact day and time he would die. The judge told him.
What about love?
What about money?
What about success?
Have you ever had a vision?
A portentous dream?
Deja vu?
Shivered when the black cat passed in front of you?
I used to own a black cat. That fucker would go out of his way to pass in front of me. He was like a goddamn FED EX delivery man, bringing the potential of bad luck every time I stood up to go to the bathroom
Once upon a time, people used to cut open cats, spill out their guts on the floor, stretch out their intestines, and use that as means to tell farmers whether or not their crops would yield abundance that year.
Last night I had The Actors Nightmare. This is not entirely uncommon. It happens. You've probably had it too, or some variation on it. For those who don't know, The Actors Nightmare is the dream where you suddenly have to appear on stage for some reason. You don't know the lines, the blocking, or what you're supposed to do once you ARE on stage...but you must go and perform. The audience is waiting.
In my dream last night it was a musical. I didn't know the songs. I didn't know the choreography. It was also an all woman ensemble, much like The Taffetas. Yes I had to wear a pink dress. The entire experience was horrifying.
As I've mentioned, I've had this dream (well not this one specifically, but The Actors Nightmare) many times in my life. Used to be I took it as a sign of bad things to come.
I woke up this morning later than I should have. My alarm didn't go off. Already off to a bad start. Since I was running late, I rushed through my morning routine, and ran out the door, forgetting my headphones. I had to go the day without the music in my head that so soothes the savage inner beast. Yup...bad day indeed.
Except, really...it wasn't. Once I got out the door, it was pretty much like any other day. Nothing too incredibly bad, and nothing approaching greatness. Just a standard day. My dream did in fact not portend any certain doom, or even gloom for that matter.
In the movie Cold Mountain, Nicole Kidman has a dream, that if you know anything about signs/omens kinda gives away the end of the film. As soon as she had that dream in the move, I knew exactly how it was going to end. It didn't ruin the movie for me, but there was certainly no dramatic build up from that moment on.
We have, built into our collective unconscious, a need to make meaning out of things. Anything to bring order to the chaos. We need things to matter. We need something, sometimes, to use as a foundation for our hope. Something to build off of. Some sort of reinforcement from the outside, that things will be better.
I have one friend who claims there is no such thing as coincidence.
I have another that knows for certainty that all people come into our lives for a reason.
Most of my immediate and extended family is assured that all things serve God's greater purpose.
All these ideas lend themselves so easily to some sort of higher plan. Not always or necessarily "God's plan", but certainly SOME plan.
Some course
Some grand scheme that we aren't aware of.
If there IS a plan...it stands to reason then, that we can get some glimpse OF that plan.
If it IS God's plan then surely he has left guidance.
If it IS the Universe's plan, then surely the stars can guide us.
If Nature is our mother, surely she has left something here on this planet to point is in a direction of truth.
Or maybe we're simply filling a void of understanding, with a particular kind of hope.
Over the course of this day I had three different friends, none of whom know each other, make a similar type comment. Each of them took two random events, with the loosest, if any type of connection to each other, forced a connection through the most tenuous line of reasoning, and called it an omen.
I wonder if this isn't our nature.
I wonder if the need to connect is so ingrained, that creating arbitrary connections, happens with just the slightest of thought.
I wonder a lot of things really.
If my cynicism is showing...well...that's not by accident.
You see I don't believe that god has a plan.
I don't believe the stars can guide us.
I think coincidence happens all the time.
I don't believe that everyone comes into our lives for a reason.
I think that we allow people into our lives. We form emotional connections that DO seem larger than sum of both parts, but on a planet littered with near 7 billion people, I just can't assume that most of the common interactions are part of some greater scheme.
I think sometimes we want the romance of it so badly, that we create the romance out of whatever we can.
Here's the thing though.
I do believe in magic.
I do.
I do.
Let me restate.
I don't believe in magic.
I believe in its necessity.
I believe in the NEED for magic.
I do.
I do.
By nature of who I am, I will ALWAYS look for the man behind the curtain.
But there's a moment, between the time the magic happens, and the discovery of how, that is pure, and absolute bliss.
Maybe there are people who really do...probably...but I personally don't actually know anyone who 100% absolutely, believes that their horoscope, or tarot, or fortune cookie, or even the little signs and omens they invent...are really going to happen, or come to fruition...but...
there's always a certain satisfaction when they do.
So satisfying in fact, that we'll often go through great lengths, perform the greatest feats of mental olympics to make it so.
And I think that's fantastic.
Cause for me, life without magic is much like a new coloring book. It's simply the lines of pictures, without any color.
Give me Oz any day...and all the signs to get me there, and omens to warn of danger on the path.
I don't have to believe,
to love every damn bit of it.
This has all been part of an ongoing blogsperiment with my friend Deena. This is a shared topic, and I hope you'll all share it with us. I personally LOVE her words, and invite you to read them here.
Follow the omens
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