Not quite random thought in B Flat Minor

Sometimes you steal my breath. 

I'm always glad when you do.  I love to be reminded of my frailty. 

I think about you a lot.  You are probably different in my imagination, than you really are.  That's fine...I'm probably different in yours. 

I imagine you smiling.  You are always smiling.  Sometimes innocent, sometimes devious, sometimes just plain mirth...regardless its always there.

I wonder about you a lot.  If you're happy.  If you're sad.  If you're making new discoveries.  If you're okay. I hope so. 

I want to talk with you.  So much.  Not the surface bullshit that most people start and stop with, but really talk.  Connect.  Seriously...have that kind of conversation where we both feel at the same moment the imaginary umbilical holding us together.  The kind of sit down chat where the words end long before the moment does.  We haven't talked like that for a while, you and I.  Hell, maybe never...but I bet we could, and I bet it would be glorious.

I want to hear about all your beautiful things.  I want to understand your perspective.  I want your words.  Oh god your words.  You use them so well, its like sex wrapped in chocolate.

I want your opinions, because sometimes we share the same ones, and this makes our connection even stronger.  And sometimes they differ, which can also help connect us...if we let it.

I am all the time so much inside myself, that I can't help but love you when you show there is an outside.  You do this often, and you do it well.

Your talent is staggering.

I am often intimidated by you.  Almost always.  I can't help it.  This sometimes makes me seem shy when I'm around you.  I'm not shy, I just don't know what to say.

Sometimes I overcompensate and say the most ridiculous thing I can think.  Also not the most wise decision, but I've never pretended to be wise.  Wisdom is for those who would know what to do with it.  Maybe I'll reach that point someday.  I'm not there yet.

For now I'm still the dancing astralnaut.  Soaring the innerverse of my own imagination.  Screaming in a vacuum to be heard by no one because well...sounds...and vacuums...and it doesn't really matter, because what I'm screaming is complete jibberish.  I just want to see if you'll scream with me.

I sometimes think that when the caterpillars is in his cocoon, if he knows how horrible its going to be.  You see, I could be wrong, but I just can't imagine that kind of metamorphosis would be painless.  He goes in one thing, and comes out something entirely different...that must be hell. 

Sometimes when I know a friend is in pain, if they realize how beautiful they are going to be when they come out of it.  I hope they do.  I also hope they don't fly away, something so new, and so glorious, that they entirely forget what they were, and what they had before. 

That may be how I justify the pain, but it works for me that way.  It changes us, if we let it.  Sometimes we have to wrap up in it entirely and hide away.  That's okay though.  That doesn't make us weak...it simply makes us.  That's all.  Something new.  Something more beautiful than we were.  Always more grand, more glorious than we thought we could be.  Just had to let the change happen.  It always does. 

We are ever evolving, and I think in a lot of ways we get to choose the direction of that course.  Sometimes maybe not as much as we would like, but there are choices, and there are results. 

I love now.  I will love you then.  I will love every new version of you.  And every new version of us.  I can't help it.  I was not invented for the hatred, or the bullshit, or the insignificant little pieces of superficial reality.  I was invented to love.  All forms and faculties of who and what we are.

I also think that you were too.  If of course...that's what you want.